You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.
- Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises
I have successfully put boots on the ground in Palo Alto, California. A new chapter, a lot of sunshine, an opportunity to finally live with a person that I been fortunate enough to love for ~1,277 days, and a diverse world of food systems that I am keen to explore professionally and personally.
The title of this note-to-self post is a slight edit to the title of a well-known book on mindfulness meditation. As you might guess, the edit I made was in capitalizing “you.” I’ve known this line for a while and I usually employ it to remind myself or others to “be where their feet are.” In other words, take this moment for what it is because it’s the only thing there really is. In this context, though—the context of physically being in a new place with new surroundings and new opportunities—I found that the quote rang a little different in my mind. And this is where the Hemingway quote explains it a bit more simply: in moving to a new, exciting place, I must remind myself that I1 am the person moving to this new, exciting place. With me, I bring myself. The good, the great, the bad, the ugly. A new chapter, sure, but a protagonist that hasn’t completely transformed from a single-page turn.
I already experienced this new-surroundings-won’t-do-the-internal-work-for-you on a smaller scale in Boulder. I thought a lot of things that frustrated me in my first living situation would magically disappear when I got to move in with three close friends, but I quickly realized that the cause was not external. The person getting frustrated was me. And unless I was willing to be curious about why seemingly random instances were making my chest feel tight, it wouldn’t really matter if I was living with [insert amazing person] in [insert amazing place].
As I settle into a new community and a new environment, I am reminded of this again: the internal work must continue if I want to fully embrace and give myself over to the people and opportunities that now surround me. The great part is that, at least from my vantage point, I have done a good bit of self-exploration since that first living situation in Boulder, and I found that while having amazing friends for roommates didn’t do the work for me, it facilitated my noticing/curiosity/willingness to be honest and open in a supportive and welcoming way. In that sense, environment and surroundings and people do matter—they won’t magically transform the nooks and crannies of myself that I feel at odds with from time to time, but they can create conditions in which internal and external exploration become less filled with resistance. With that kind of noticing can come little steps towards realizing a fuller version of myself, a version that can love and connect more steadily.
To new beginnings, old habits, and the different selves that may emerge through awareness of both.
If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
- Lao Tzu
I guess we’re also assuming the temporary existence of self here for the purposes of “me” being here.